January 4, 2006
Design Your Destiny

Twice a year there is a natural feeling of beginnings: January and September. Both of these months are times when people, especially parents and students, nurture ideas of changes in personal habits.

In the month of January, most people do this by setting New Year's Resolutions. These are thankfully different from writing annual goals for an IEP. The process is usually less cumbersome and more personal. Having a broad vision of what you want for yourself, your family, and your child will help as you sit down with your child's school team to set goals at the next IEP meeting.

With that in mind, put aside the “system” for a little while. There are no laws to guide you in this process. You are in command. Here are some things to consider as you create a vision for the next year, and set some goals for your family and yourself. Although the examples in this article are related to food, you can use the same steps and template for any thing: creating friendships, expanding recreational opportunities, exploring job opportunities for your child, getting out in the community, doing more things together as a family, and so on.

These first two steps are less structured and require creative thought. Some people think better when sewing, working in the garden, or chopping wood. I do this best when exercising, particularly on long, continues rides away from traffic. Make some time to do whatever it is that allows you to feel free to dream with no boundaries.

Take stock. As you reflect on what has gone on this past year, look for what went well, even in bad situations. Make a list of all the things you did well this year.

Example: Despite some difficult health issues for our child, we have successfully implemented gluten-free diet in our home.

Create a vision. Think about what you want things to look like one year from now: For yourself, for your children, for your family overall. This can be a broad vision or confined to a specific topic such as “health.” Ask yourself, “what does success look like a year from now? How does it feel?”

Example: We've faced three important dietary challenges this past year. One of us has high cholesterol, one developed celiac disease, and one has high blood pressure. Each one requires effective and intense food-related changes, but few, if any, of these changes overlap.

In one year, I want to be able to create nutritious, attractive, and tasteful foods my family and I like meeting everyone's special dietary needs (low fat, gluten-free, and low sodium). In addition, I want to have some fast meals or take out to use on nights when someone is sick or I'm too tired to make a full meal.

Success means we experiment enough to create a routine that we don't feel our options are overly restricted. We can choose meals and snacks with little thought. Managing our meals doesn't feel like a major accomplishment each day.

Make a list of what steps to take to create your vision. When you do this, be positive. Focus on what you are going to do. Try not to list what you are not going to do. This is a brainstorming list, therefore, write down all the possibilities that come to mind, not the things you will do tomorrow.

Example: Here is the list for the situation above.

• Make a list of everyone's favorite foods, including snacks.
• Make a list of foods each person won't eat.
• Make a list of specialty foods that must be
• purchased.
• Make a list of gluten-free restaurants or entrées for “take out night.”
• Try new recipes.
• Keep a running list of meals that everyone really liked.
• Start a “Kids Cook” night and let the kids make a meal.

Begin at the beginning. It might be a good idea to take a rest from the process at this point. This is hard work! In a day or two (no more than three), you will be eager to move on. Review the list from above. If needed, rearrange the list so they are presented in order.

Setting goals. Most people think this is the first step. However, without a clear vision, your goals may cause more harm than good. Again, begin with the beginning by choosing a goal related to the first step toward reaching your vision.

For some, setting goals is like magic. However, setting goals quickly, without little planning, leads to a fast burnout. To avoid this, consider these questions when you write your goals:

• Do I need to learn anything new to accomplish this?
• Do I need to do any research or buy any tools to accomplish this?
• What skills do I need to do this?
• Do I need any help?
• When will I work on this?
• Who will I work on this with?
• Are there other ways to get the job done?
• What can get in the way of success?
• With this information in mind, you're ready to start writing goals for this week. Just one more thing: take note of the anatomy of a well-written goal:

• Set goals focused on performance rather than outcome. In other words, write your goal based on things you can control rather than things you cannot. Be as tangible about what you will do as possible.
  
  Example: “Ask Mark what foods he hates and write them down.”
  
  
• Set goals for each week or two weeks, not for each year. If it takes too long to accomplish the goal, it's easy to forget about it until it's too late. If something will take a month to accomplish, chop the task in to smaller steps that can be done in a shorter amount of time.
  
  
• Be specific. Write down exactly what you must do to meet the goal and each goal represents one step.
  
  Example: “Try one recipe from The Everything Gluten-Free Cookbook this week.”
  
  
• Be realistic . Setting goals that require superhuman performance is defeating. One good rule-of-thumb is to set goals that are 95% achievable. Something you have no doubt you can do this week. If you do more, it's a great boost to your ego! Pat yourself on the back. Remember, you can always rewrite your goal if you find that you have over or under-estimated yourself.

Choose a reward. Everyone enjoys praise or getting a reward for doing a good job. Don't deprive yourself of feeling great about your progress! Make a checklist of the steps you hope to accomplish over the year and mark them off. It's a great feeling. Do something nice for yourself when you reach a specific point.

Get Started!

Probably the next most important thing to do is set a start date. Usually “tomorrow” isn't good enough. Somehow tomorrow never seems to get here. Pick a specific date. If it is “tomorrow,” write down, “Thursday” as your start date.

Evaluate your success. This is something that is always overlooked, but very important. It's a shorter version of the first two steps (taking stock and creating a vision). At the end of the week, take a few minutes to think about why you were successful or why you weren't I tend to write it down along with the goal. This is how you find out what works for you and what doesn't. Knowing what works is a very important way to write better, successful goals for the future.

From time to time think about how far you have come toward reaching your vision. Many people find it useful to set aside some time here and there to visualize and describe what your vision looks like. Remember, focus on what you have accomplished and where you are heading. Be positive! Before you know it, things will be completely different—and better!

Having a vision, a goal for your family and yourself, is important. Everyone has one, but not everyone is aware of it. When your long-term vision for you and your family is clear, it is easier to communicate what is important and what is not to educators and support professionals. For example, learning how to ride public transportation isn't a priority for us for Andy. We live 3-4 miles from the nearest bus stop. It's not likely we'll move or he will live away from us any time soon. Our long-term vision for Andy's getting around includes having his own transportation—that his support person is driving. What is important is to discover which restaurants have gluten-free entrées in Multnomah Village, somewhere he likes to go in our community with us or his support person.

If you have a vision for your family that you'd like to share or need more information to accomplish your goals, we'd like to hear from you. Let us know how we can help.

Warmly,

Joan Guthrie Medlen, RD, LD, is the Project Director of Creating Solutions, Founding Editor of Disability Solutions, and the mother of two grown boys, one of whom has Down syndrome, autism, and celiac disease.

PS- Check my fundraising page and Volunteer Page for ways you can support the work of Creating Solutions.

©2006 Joan Guthrie Medlen
(Please email for permission to reprint blogs)

The opinions shared in this Blog are not necessarily those of Creating Solutions or The San Francisco Foundation Community Initiative Funds.